


Dear Diary, What is Happening to Me?

by HauntedAurora



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Deja Vu, Diva! Stan, Dreams, Fluff, Hallucinations, Insanity, M/M, Madness, Murder, OOC, Someone may or may not be possessed. Help, Stan is a diva, This just turned into a horror crack fic, Violence, bunch of vine references too, it's coming right for us!, there are a bunch of danganronpa references so be wary of that, what's a plot?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-07-10 17:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15953987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HauntedAurora/pseuds/HauntedAurora
Summary: Imagine being in a castleWhere everyone begins to hassleExcept for youThey can't pass throughHuhThat's oddOh god!Now there's someone deadTheir body and clothes stained redA diary would be handyYour memory would be dandyBut must they come back to lifeAfter being sliced with the killer's knifeOr getting slayed by those that are briaryBefore finishing the diary?





	1. Hugging Corpses

**Author's Note:**

> I just had this idea in my head and you know how much I like creepy and funny shit, so here you go. The chapters may or may not be short. I can't wrote long shit for shit so yeah. I hope you enjoyed my story!

[Chapter 1 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp1-1)

Dear Diary,

Today was horrible. It began with my friends and I playing hide and seek inside a castle. We were having so much fun together until I found one. Every time I look away, they disappear. One by one, they all disappeared and I was left in the corner of some room shivering and hugging my knees. I assumed my friends were dead so I cried until they came and found me. “What happened?” Kyle asked. I immediately tackle him to a hug. “I thought you died!” I exclaimed. “You guys just disappeared one by one and I was all alone and I thought I was gonna die here!” I cried. No one responded. I let go and then I realized…I was hugging a dead body. I was covered in blood. It was disgusting! “Oh god!!” I screamed. I woke up, but I wasn’t in my room…I was in that same castle that was in my dream. Until then, the story ends here.

Signed, Butters


	2. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek notices something strange in the kitchen, then one other person does too. I wonder what that could be...

[Chapter 2 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp2-1)

The boys were fast asleep...well...everyone except Tweek. He was wondering around the castle. Don't ask why. He probably couldn't sleep. Just as he was about to get some water, he notices something in the kitchen. That sight would never be forgotten in his mind.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

Jesus Christ! I just saw blood everywhere in the kitchen! What if someone died?! What if they got eaten by some kind of monster?! Oh god! I can't take this! This is too much pressure! Oh geez! I'm gonna sign out before I die in this hellhole of a place!

Signed, Tweek  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I heard Tweek screaming, so I ran to him and saw blood. It was all over the place. I took Tweek out of the kitchen and into the living room by the fireplace. It was chill until _someone_ decided to join. That someone was none other than Cartman himself. "Homos." he muttered. I flipped him off. Tweek was still shivering from the incident. "What happened?! I just heard screaming!" Clyde screamed. "Well you see, someone decided to paint the kitchen with blood and scare Tweek", I say. Clyde is on the verge of tears at this point. I'm out.

Signed, Craig  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
It was at this moment that everyone realized...  
...  
That there were only 7 people in the room


	3. There's a Monster?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was at this moment that everyone realized...  
> ...  
> That there were only 7 people in the room

[Chapter 3 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp3-1)

Tonight was no different than yesterday. Someone goes missing and the boys panic, especially Tweek.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

Kyle went missing. We were about to look for him until...  
"About time that Jew fuck was out of my sight"  
_**sigh**_. Here we go again.  
"Listen Cartman. This is serious business." Stan said.  
Cartman was rambling on about how Kyle being missing would be better for all of us. Craig shot Cartman the middle finger. Cartman shot Craig the middle finger back. I sat in silence, not wanting to get involved in anything. Tweek was a little calmer after almost 30 minutes...at least I think it's been 30 minutes. It could have been 5 minutes for all I care. There's no clock in here.  
My thoughts were interrupted when Stan asked if someone could come with him. Clyde, of course, offered to do so, or as he would say: "Volunteer as tribute". I decided to examine the room again. The objects were very ancient and very unique. Stan and Clyde came back unharmed, but what none of us knew was that something worse was about to flash right in front of our eyes. We found Kyle, not dead, but with cuts all over his body. I was mortified. We were all mortified actually. He was out of breath when he told us:  
"This...thing...was coming after me...and I tried to fight it...but it obviously didn't go as planned".  
"What thing?" I asked  
"Um...you know those overrated monsters with the claws and red eyes and has black fur?"  
Tweek screamed.  
"...goddammit" I say  
"Yeah. _Those_ monsters" Kyle says.  
I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight.

Signed, Token


	4. Get Out of the Way Cartman!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof! I haven't updated this in like a week! So sorry people! School is a bitch. Anyways, enjoy!

[Chapter 4 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp4-1)

The boys fought the monster and won against it (more like the monster just gave up cuz Cartman wouldn't shut the fuck up). It was a rainy day. Rain poured heavily onto the streets and into the ditches. The boys, still trapped inside the castle, finally decided to look for a way out. Unfortunately, doors never work in horror movies...well...unless you kick it off its hinges successfully, which is what Kyle tried to do, but to no avail.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

Jesus fuck! This door isn't gonna give up any time soon.  
"Goddammit" I say.  
"There are other ways to leave, like through the window." Craig, being the fucking smartass he is, said.  
"But, guuuuuuuys-"  
"DON'T START" I screamed at Cartman. God! He is so annoying! He thought it was a good idea to bother Stan about it and proceeded to call me a bitch so I punched him in the face.  
We tried to break the window glass, but nope. If anything, everything is gonna break against this stupid window and that stupid door.  
Oh shit. Stan is screaming. Gotta go!

Signed, Kyle  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I wanna go home but I can't go home because this castle sucks and it's keeping us in and I hate everything and everybody and I hate my fucking life (I think everyone can relate).  
I was in the living room when everyone else tried to leave. I didn't want to ruin their moment. I keep hearing Cartman whining and Kyle screaming at him to stop. I hear footsteps and then there's Cartman, whining to me that Kyle is being a bitch like his mom. I'm trying to ignore him, but it isn't working, so then I try to leave, but he keeps getting in my way and Kyle gets so mad that he just starts punching him in the face and everyone was like "OH SHIT" while I went back to the living room, but before I could sit on the couch, there's Tweek on the couch, blood everywhere. He was rocking back and forth like those possessed children in those haunted house movies. I ran out of the living room and screamed for everyone. Hopefully Craig can help out.

Signed, Stan


	5. Tweek?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan screams and everyone rushes to the source of the screaming. What they saw was a horrifying scene. Blood was everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in a day?! Whoa!

[Chapter 5 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp5-1)

Dear Diary,

We heard Stan running towards us while screaming. Stan was taking us to the living room until we reached the hallway. I was crying at the point. There was blood on the floor, on the ceiling somehow, on the walls, on poor Tweek, literally every single corner of the room. It was everywhere.  
"Tweek? What happened?" Craig asked.  
Omg he has emotions?! He actually sounded concerned!  
Tweek tried to explain to him (and to all of us), but all that came out was stumbling words. All we could catch was "dead bodies" and "knives". I believe that's what we call a usual horror genre thing, but this?! I started crying even more than I did before. Kenny hugged me and tried to comfort me, which I appreciated, but it wasn't working. I was too scared to realize what was going on.

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

Clyde wrote that last entry. I guess he forgot about it. Anyways, I heard giggling from upstairs. Everyone is investigating the upstairs bedroom except me, Clyde, Craig, and Tweek. Tweek was a bit too traumitized after what happened. Clyde is still having a meltdown. Craig and I are just there to make sure they're ok. Okay, everyone's back downstairs. I guess it was just my imagination then if no one heard or saw anything.  
Oh shit. What now?

Signed, Kenny


	6. What Was That Sound?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny hears a noise from upstairs in the middle of his diary.

[Chapter 6 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp6-1)

_Oh shit. What now?_  
Kenny thought aloud as he wrote this in his diary. He (along with Clyde, Tweek, and Craig) went upstairs to see what that sound was.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

Apparently, Kyle just tripped over something.  
"Don't scare us like that!" I shout  
"I'm sorry! Geez!" Kyle shouted back  
"I'm going to put Tweek in the shower" Craig said.  
I went back downstairs...to take a fucking nap 'cause to hell with all of this bullshit.

Signed, Kenny.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

I get scared whenever Kenny starts yelling out of nowhere. Like angry yelling. I don't like it. Oh hamburgers. Kyle's ankle is bleeding. He must've tripped on something sharp. I'm signing out now.

Signed, Butters  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I took Tweek to the bathroom so he could wash off all of the blood that somehow got on him. I waited for him outside. God damn. Where is the service?! I hope I get service soon. It is currently 9:03 pm. I'm getting tired, but I refuse to go to bed without Tweek. Tweek is done showering. I'm relieved nothing happened to him. We are going to bed. I'm out.

Signed, Craig.


	7. Dress the Corpse Up for the Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! Cartman actually wrote in his diary! Let's see what he said!

[Chapter 7 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp7-1)

Dear Diary,

“Really guys? This castle isn’t even scary. Stop being pussies.” I told everyone. For real. They need to learn how to take things seriously and be brave like me. Besides Tweek being on his dude period and death happening every day, this castle ain’t that bad. Trust me. I’ve seen and done worse. #scotttenormanmustdie. I’ll be nice and not spoil it for you (if you haven’t seen it that is).  
Anyways, Kyle tripped. I laughed. What? It’s funny seeing him be clumsy. The fuck is taking Tweek and Craig so long? If they’re making out, we gon’ have a throwdown. I checked the time. It’s been 30 minutes. Does it really take that long to wash blood off of you? Sure, it stains clothes, but not your body. Hurry the fuck up. Sheesh. I’m done with this diary bullshit.

Signed, Cartman.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

The boys check on Tweek and Craig to make sure-  
Oh wait. Nevermind. No they’re not. Welp. A body has been discovered. Make your way to the bathroom I guess.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

…  
All I wanted was for us to be safe. Not for Craig to get murdered by Tweek. I am crying while writing this. This is too scary. I want to leave. I ate my taco in the bedroom. Don’t ask where I got a taco from because I don’t know either. I got out of bed to leave and then I see Tweek’s eye on the other side.  
“JESUS CHRIST” I scream  
“GAH!” Tweek screams.  
“Do **NOT** do that again please.” I say  
“This is too much pressure! I can’t do this!” Tweek starts screaming like usual.  
“Okay, but what the fuck is Craig doing on the floor, dead?” I ask  
“That’s the thing man! I just murdered my boyfriend! What do I do?!” Again, he screams.  
“First of all, stop screaming like a hyena on flakka. Second of all, if there’s blood on the dead body, you wash it and then you-“  
“WHY THE FRICK WOULD I DO THINGS TO A DEAD BODY?!”  
“YOU KNOW I AM SENSITIVE NOW STOP SCREAMING IN MY FACE.”  
“…”  
“And then you put the corpse in a tuxedo, put it in a coffin, and then we will hold a funeral :)"  
“…Clyde. What. The fuck.”  
I hear footsteps.  
“Oh my god. I’m trying to take a nap. Can you guys not?” It was Stan  
“We are holding a funeral for Craig tomorrow!” I said happily.  
“Why’re we excited about this?” Stan asked.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I guess Clyde forgot about his diary again, so I’ll just go ahead and write here. Hopefully he’s okay with that. Stan and I are in the bedroom with Clyde right now and he keeps laughing. I don’t know why. I don’t think I want to know why. Craig was murdered for fuck’s sake and Tweek didn’t even mean to murder Craig.  
“Alright. What’s going on?” I asked Clyde. Seriously. What is going on with him?  
“I’m excited.” He says  
“…Excited for what?” I asked again.  
“Excited for Craig’s funeral tomorrow.”  
“…Why the fuck would you be excited for a funeral?”  
“Someone was supposed to die yesterday, but they didn’t so God decided to-“  
“When did God get into this?”  
“Shut up Stan.” Clyde said.  
Stan put his hands up in surrender without saying anything.  
“Continue” I hesitantly said.  
“Someone was supposed to die yesterday, but no one died so God decided ‘Hey. I’ll have someone kill its victim for me’ and then poor Tweek was chosen to kill God’s victim, Craig.”  
…he giggles…  
“…Alright then.” I say  
“Since when-“  
“Stan. I’m not done yet.”  
“Wait-“  
“Shh. There’s no need for you to speak, Stan.”  
“Get your taco-smelling finger off of my lips right now.”  
He did so without hesitation. At this point, I’m questioning my existence.  
“So what other information were you going to give us?” I asked  
“…That’s it…”  
“YOU JUST SAID-“  
“I’M SENSITIVE STANLEY.”  
“SO?!”  
“Can we all just-”  
“SHUT UP TOKEN.” They both say to me.  
“Well then…”  
I’m just gonna sign out.

Signed, Token

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. That's it?  
> "...Alright then."  
> Welp. I had fun writing this one! I hope you enjoyed it!


	8. Rising from the Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig was accidently murdered by his boyfriend, Tweek, yesterday. The next day, the boys are surprised at what they see.

[Chapter 8 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp8-1)

Dear Diary,

Stan and Token brought Clyde downstairs since he wasn't gonna go downstairs himself I suppose. When they got downstairs, they saw the rest of us in the living room.  
"So how did Craig die exactly?" Kyle asked Tweek.  
"Well...um...Craig was taking me to bed and then we saw something and then I twitched and accidently pushed Craig down the stairs and then he just started bleeding and...oh jesus. This is too much pressure!"  
Tweek starts yanking his hair. Someone took his wrists into his hands. Tweek turned around and then...  
"Did you really think I was dead Tweek?"  
We all just froze.  
"...! Oh my god! You're alive?!" Clyde screamed.  
"Do I look dead?" Craig asked.  
"Yeah...inside..." Clyde says quietly.  
"Oh no." Stan says.  
"I thought God had Tweek kill you."  
"...Now why would God do such a thing?" Tweek asked.  
"Because you said you pushed him down the stairs and then he started bleeding out of his head. I could've sworn I saw bits of his brain on the floor! Man, that looked juicy as fuck."  
_Are people suddenly dying and reviving and then forgetting that death exists?_ I thought, not aware of the insanity that is suddenly happening at the moment.  
"...Were you two aware of this happening?" Kyle asked Stan and Token. Token began to speak.  
"He said something about holding a fune-"  
"Oh yeah! I wanted to hold a funeral for Craig and then Craig decided to come back to life."  
"Okay first of all-"  
"LET HIM FINISH" Cartman screamed.  
"You gon' scream at me when I'm clearly the one trying to speak?" Token said.  
"Cause I wanna hear Clyde speak. Duh." Cartman says.  
Alright I'm done with this for today.

Signed, Kenny.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
The boys heard what Clyde had to say. Cartman was interested. Kenny was a little shocked. More confused though. Token and Stan were also shocked after Clyde gave the details on Craig's dead body. According to Clyde, Craig cracked his head open. There were bits of his brain on the floor. He had bruises all over his body, mostly on his back. His knee was scraped, but it wasn't bleeding a lot like his head. Tweek was obviously panicking and Craig was trying to calm his poor boyfriend down. Kyle was mostly angry at Cartman for screaming at Token, but he was mortified with the details.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I did not need to hear the details on Craig's dead body! I also did not want to hear Cartman today, but you know that Cartman will keep on talking until he's dead.  
"Now that is scary, kind of" Cartman says.  
"Do you know any magic tricks?" I asked  
"I know the 'pulling a bunny out of a hat' trick. God why are you so-" Cartman began.  
"I know a magic trick called 'I can make you shut your fatass up by sewing your mouth shut."  
"...Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw. I am so sorry for existing." Cartman says sarcastically.  
"Okay. You know what Cartman?" I ran up to him and punched him in the face again.  
"Guys! Stop ruining my beauty sleep!" Stan yelled.  
"Beauty sleep? You can just say nap." Kenny said  
"There will be no napping, only death. Now if you will excuse me, I need you guys to let me die by beauty sleeping on this couch. Goodnight." Stan said.  
"...Okay. Goodnight you fucking diva." I said.  
I swear. Everyday just gets weirder and weirder.

Signed, Kyle  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

Where is this giddy feeling coming from? I was feeling very scared earlier. Oh my god. I can't even write in this. That is how happy I am right now.

Signed, Clyde  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I am seriously worried for Clyde. The fact that this happened after Craig had a near-death experience just makes it even creepier. Also, I almost laughed when Stan said he needed his beauty sleep. Now that was funny. I'm going to check on Clyde.

Signed, Token  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I'm scared right now. Kyle keeps punching Cartman in the face, Clyde is going crazy from this situation. Token has to constantly keep checking on Clyde to make sure he ain't doing anything stupid. Stan keeps sleeping. Tweek keeps panicking. Craig has to make sure Tweek is okay. Kenny is here with me so I'm okay. I just hope everything turns out fine once we get out of here

Signed, Butters  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Token went to the bedroom to check on Clyde. He was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.  
"Clyde?" Token said. Clyde didn't respond. It was at that moment when he saw red handprints on Clyde's bruised neck.  
"...Oh...jesus" Token was shocked. Kyle came upstairs to get a break from Cartman, but you know he ain't getting a break from another possible murder.  
"OH ARE YOU SERIOUS RI-"  
"Just kidding!" Clyde quickly sat up from the bed. Token and Kyle screamed and fell back.  
"What the hell Clyde!" Kyle screamed.  
"It had to be done." Clyde said.  
"No it did not have to be done!" Again, Kyle screamed.  
"Let's not do this again." Token said.  
The three boys sat in silence. The rest of the boys downstairs try to ignore Cartman as he keeps rambling on about how Craig should've been dead.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

Seriously. How is Craig not dead? His head was cracked open yesterday and now it's not? What is going on? Surely, you would die from getting your head cracked open like that. I'm very disappointed that no actual deaths have occurred. Oh well. There's always another time.

Signed, Cartman  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
The boys went upstairs after waiting for an hour. They see Token and Kyle on the floor with Clyde standing above them.  
"...Oh? I didn't think you guys would come so soon."


	9. Do You Wanna Play a Game?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm listening to Japanese horror music while writing this.

[Chapter 9 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp9)

_The boys went upstairs after waiting for an hour._  
_They see Token and Kyle on the floor with Clyde standing above them._  
_"...Oh? I didn't think you guys would come so soon."_

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

...

"...Oh...my...god..." said Stan. There were murmurs coming from everyone. Token and Kyle have just been stabbed 10 times in the torso area.  
"What the hell is this?!" Craig demanded.  
Clyde tossed the knife aside and it almost got Tweek. Fortunately, it didn't, thanks to Craig.  
"OH JESUS!" Tweek screamed.  
"All of this over my death?!" Craig shouted.  
"Yep!" Clyde shouted back.  
This was beyond nightmare fuel to the boys...except one person.  
_Just watch. They're gonna come back tomorrow._ Cartman thought.  
"Excuse me. Imma have to ask you to leave." Stan said  
"Okay first of all, what did I do?" Cartman asked.  
"I don't think this is the time to-" Butters said before stopping himself. He noticed something strange about the dead bodies that were in front of them.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

Something was off about the dead bodies. Their stab wounds weren't really bloody. It looked like there was syrup in the wound. Chocolate syrup to be specific.  
"What's wrong?" Tweek asked.  
"Something seems off here..." I said  
"What do you mean?" Stan asked.  
Before I could answer, we heard two people say 'Boo!' and we all jumped.  
"Y'all thought we died?!" Nah bruh!" Kyle said.  
"Don't you **ever** do that again! I thought you died!" Stan screamed.  
"It's just a joke dude!" Kyle exclaimed.  
"Okay, but-"  
Before Stan could finish, Clyde was slowly walking away from us with his head down. We were very confused.  
"Where do you think you're going?" Eric asked.  
"...Somewhere..." Clyde said.  
"Somewhere? Where is that? I can't find it on this map right myah" Eric said, pointing behind him.  
"..."  
"What?!" Eric said, alarmed at this rate.  
Then Clyde bolted down the stairs. We all just looked at each other, still very confused.  
"One of y'all better get Clyde or I will fight someome!" Eric yelled.  
"Why don't you go get him yourself fatass?" Kyle asked.  
"Because I'm not about to get murdered tonight." Eric answered.  
"Oh please. You are not gonna get murdered like Craig did." Kyle said  
"This is not the time to be fighting." I said  
"Be quiet Butters." Kyle said.  
"I guess I'll go" Kenny offered.  
Kenny went downstairs. We stayed upstairs in silence while Kyle and Eric continued to fight. I hope Kenny is okay.

Signed, Butters  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I offered to go downstairs to see if Clyde was okay. Seriously, he bolted downstairs like there was no tomorrow. He is sitting on the couch with his legs crossed, rocking fron side to side. I slowly began to walk towards him.  
"Hey." I said. He starts to giggle madly. I am not sure what to feel at this point. He's been acting like this since yesterday.  
"Hello?" I probably shouldn't do this, but if he doesn't respond-  
"Hi Kenny."  
...Nevermind.  
"...Is there something going on?" I asked.  
Clyde looked up at the ceiling, like he was trying to remember something. Goddammit, someone needs this diary.

Signed, Kenny.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Kenny talked with Clyde. Cartman and Kyle fought some more. Tweek and Craig were holding hands. Butters was still scared for Clyde and everyone else. Wait...I just heard something.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

 **WHAT WAS THAT?!** Objects suddenly have human limbs?!?! Is Kenny okay?! Everyone is running downstairs except Cartman. Craig is technically dragging me with him.  
"Oh my god! Stop it right now!" Kenny was screaming. Clyde is fucking throwing plates and cups at him.  
"What the fuck?!" Kyle screamed over the breaking glassware.  
"Good luck cleaning that up!" We hear Cartman from upstairs.  
"Shut up fatass!" Stan said.  
"Okay seriously. What is going o-" Craig got hit in the face with a plate.  
"OH JESUS!" I screamed. "This is too much pre-" and then I got hit in the face with a plate.  
"What is even happening right now." Stan asked.  
"Clearly, Clyde is throwing random plates at Kenny for some reason and we need t-" Kyle said before getting smacked in the face by Cartman.  
"Bitch please. He's probably just throwing a tantrum." Cartman said.  
"Tantrum? That don't look like no tantrum to me." Token said.  
"Probably because it ain't no fucking tantrum!" Kenny screamed before getting stabbed in the arm with a broken glass.  
"Holy shit dude!" Kyle screamed.  
"You guys myah. Me up myah." Cartman said before dashing back upstairs.  
"Get back here fatass!" Kyle yelled for him.  
Oh jesus. This is too much pressure.

Signed, Tweek.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I ran over to Clyde and held his wrists.  
"Calm down dude!" I said to him.  
"Don't you tell me to **CALM DOWN** ". Clyde screamed and pushed me to the ground, followed by maniacal laughter. My back hurt after falling to the floor. Then I remembered that there was glass on the floor. When I got up, some glass was still punctured into my skin (according to Tweek and Kyle). Stan removed all of the glass from my back and cleaned my wounds (it stung like hell, but it was worth it).

Signed, Kenny.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
After Kenny's wounds were cleaned up, everyone went back upstairs, except Stan, who wanted to sleep on the couch to sleep away his depression. He felt glass being traced along his forehead.  
"Clyde? What are you doing?"  
"Why are you sleeping?"  
"Because I need my beauty sleep now if you could not-"  
"Don't you wanna play a little game?"  
"Oh hell no!" Stan rolled off the couch. "Not today Satan."  
"It'll be fun Stan."  
"Nuh-uh. Fuck your games. I am not about to die in my beauty sleep. Nope."  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
... The boys find his body on the couch. Just like Token and Kyle, he was stabbed 10 times in the abdomen.


	10. The Joke's Gone Wrong

[Chapter 10 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp10)

"Stan?!" Kyle screams  
"C'mon guys. Token and Kyle were like this and they were just fine." Cartman said  
"Because we were joking. Stan isn't joking! He's really dead!" Token exclaims.  
"Relax! He'll come back to life." Cartman said.  
"How do you know?! What if he doesn't come back to life like Craig did?!" Kyle exclaimed.  
"Oh. He will." Cartman said.  
God damn. Cartman never gives up. Does he?  
"Oh man. I'm screwed aren't I?"  
The boys turn around to see...  
"...Clyde. This has gone far enough." Kyle told him.  
"What do you mean? It didn't even get to the best part yet."  
Once Clyde said that. The boys turn around again to realize the couch was empty.  
"Wha-?! Where did he go?! I thou-" Kyle struggled to get his words out. Honestly, I would be confused too if a body just suddenly disappeared.  
"He probably got up and got something to eat." Cartman said, ruining the whole creepy atmosphere.  
"Get the fuck out! He was actually bleeding for God's sake!" Kyle said.  
"So? You can walk and bleed at the same time. We've all done that before." Cartman said.  
"But he was stabbed in the stomach! Maybe the chest, but that doesn't matter! He's dead!" Kyle screamed.  
"...You're being extremely negative Kyle." Cartman said.  
"I don't care! He-"  
"He was already depressed, so what's life to him?" Clyde said. The boys turn around **again** , but Craig wasn't having it with the amount of deaths, loss of sanity, and pranks that have been going on. He walked up to Clyde (shoving Cartman in the process) and grabbed the collar of his shirt.  
"Listen asshole. If you don't stop with these jokes, then I will have to find a way to get your act together." Craig sternly said to him.  
Clyde looked down at the floor.  
...  
There was just silence.  
......  
The only sound they could hear was the wind blowing into the trees and the rain pouring onto the streets. They hear a low chuckle as Clyde walked into the kitchen.  
"Oh my god Clyde! Stop being a-...what are you doing?" Cartman asked. Craig and Tweek go upstairs just in case. The rest of the boys were confused as to what the fuck Clyde was doing in the kit-  
"Holy shit!" Kyle screamed  
"Yeah no thanks. Everyone upstairs." Craig said.  
Everyone (except Cartman) ran up the stairs, into the bedroom, and hid either under the bed, in the drawers, or in the closet.  
"Guys really?!" Cartman yelled from downstairs.  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

Oh no! I just heard everyone screaming downstairs! Jesus Christ! We're gonna die here! Fuck! I just heard footsteps!

Signed, Tweek  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I'm currently in the closet while writing this. I think he has officially lost it. I don't even know how we came to this, but I might die. He's gotta sword and I got nothing. Maybe fists, but I ain't that strong. Wish me luck!

Signed, Butters  
◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇  
Dear Diary,

I'm getting sick and tired of these pranks. First Token and Kyle, and now Stan? What the fuck is this?! Oh, and Clyde better stop too because this joke has gone too far.

Signed, Cartman


	11. Hiding from Life and Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan's body disappears from the couch. The boys needed to look for Stan, but Clyde (and Cartman for a while) get in the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I got absorbed into my own fanfiction, so long chapters here we come!

[Chapter 11 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp11-1)

The sky was pitch black, no stars in sight. It wasn't raining anymore, but the wind continued to howl like the wolves up in the mountains.

Footsteps were heard.

Hiding occured.

The sword scraping against the wall came third.

Visions were blurred.

Everything was absurd!

The boys refused to move from their spot. They didn't want to risk going out to make sure the hallways and rooms were clear...I mean...unless your name is Eric Cartman and you think everything is a joke, plus he was still downstairs so...

"Alright guys, you can stop being weenies now." Cartman yelled from downstairs. Again, the boys didn't want to risk coming out of their hiding spot, so they stayed put.

"Guys...really...this is all just a joke." Cartman reassured them (or at least he tried to reassure them).  _Oh my god guys_  Cartman thought as he walked upstairs into the bedroom.

"Y'all are really starting to annoy the fuck outta me right now. Get out from your hiding spots!" Cartman yelled again while walking up the stairs. He saw that the door was cracked open.

_Really? Y'all can't even hide right, leaving doors open and shit_ Cartman thought as he opened the door

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

I'm pretty sure everyone is just being pussies and joking around at this point. Like really guys? Stop it. Get some help. That's all I have to say.

Signed, Cartman

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

Oh my god. Can Cartman shut up for once? I keep hearing him yell 'Get out of your hiding spots you pussies' or whatever he's saying. Now I'm starting to wonder if he's just trying to hide his fear by bossing us around. Seriously. This is getting on my nerves. I'm not scared. I'm just trying to protect Tweek from Clyde. Last time I checked, I'm pretty sure you don't immediately lose your mind after seeing someone "dead" or "suddenly coming back to life". Either way, I am not about to have Clyde attack Tweek. Not today, not tomorrow, not  **ever**.  

Signed, Craig

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

After about 20 minutes, the boys finally come out of their hiding spots and went to go downstairs until they saw Cartman at the end of the staircase with his arms crossed.

"Care to explain?" Cartman asked

"Explain what?" Token asked

"You don't answer a question with a question." 

"Listen dickhead. We don't have time for you."

"You wanna go?"

"No. Not really."

"Can we stop fighting?" Butters asked.

"Be quiet Butters" Cartman said.

Poor Butters. He just wanted peace but then Cartman had to exist.

Then suddenly, Clyde came behind Cartman with a 'Boo!'

"Oh fuck! I-I mean Clyde! I swear to god!" Cartman screamed.

"Why are you hiding your fear from me?" Clyde asked.

"I ain't hiding nothing!" Cartman yelled

"..."

"WHAT?!" Cartman screams.

Clyde just smiles at Cartman.

"Stop it." Cartman said.

"Dude. What the fuck." Craig said.

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

For real. I'm getting creeped out. Clyde's just standing there, glaring at Cartman, with a smile on his face. That...I...just..no. This is not how any of this works. To hell with this.

Signed, Kenny

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

Oh hamburgers. What's Kenny up to? He just ran back into hiding and then there's Clyde, standing in front of Eric, a glint of madness in his eyes, a creepy looking smile on his face, a sword clutched in his hand. Eric was probably terrified from the inside, but he tried to keep calm on the outside. Clyde took a step forward. Then another. And another. Once more. And then Eric just ran upstairs.

"Nope. I'm not dealing with this bullshit." Eric said. Oh gee whiz. I have a bad feeling about this.

Signed, Butters

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope  **NOPE**. He can go die in a hole. I'm not putting up with this shit. That face was nightmare fuel. I'm building a fort to hide in. Buh-bye

Signed, Cartman

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Says the one who told us to quit hiding.

Dear Diary,

Tweek is literally shaking like those jumping toys. It is too much. I decided to take Tweek to another room since Cartman was in the bedroom. Apparently, they have an upstairs living room? Strange. Anyways, Tweek and I go to the upstairs living room and we somehow fit under the couch. There were little slots on all sides so we pulled them down just in case Clyde came in the room, which I highly doubt he would. Tweek is trying not to make a sound and failing miserably, so I attempted to hug him. We stayed in this position for a while. When I let go, I hear the door being kicked off its hinges. Tweek screams. I cover his mouth. I thought that we were done for at this rate, but then I remembered that Clyde is really fucking dumb. He left the room, but we didn't come out until I was certain that he was gone. We open the slot and got out from under the couch, and then there he was, standing in front of the broken door.

"Ah! There you are! I was actually looking for you!"

...fucking goddammit.

Signed, Craig

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Craig and Tweek somehow ran past Clyde into the bathroom. They hear loud banging on the door.

"Come on. I know you're in there."

"Fuck off Clyde" Craig shot the middle finger at Clyde (well, technically, he flipped off the door, but it was for Clyde)

"Aw. Don't be like that Craig." Clyde said. 

"You're acting crazy man!" Tweek screamed.

"Just like you." Clyde said.

"HEY! Don't you ever call my boyfriend crazy again, you hear me?!" Craig yelled

The remaining boys just stared at Clyde with confusion or shock.

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

I don't know what's going on over there, but it doesn't sound good at all. Craig is screaming for once in his life, Tweek is always screaming, and Clyde? Well, let me just say what Tweek said...he's acting cray cray right now.

Signed, Kenny

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

Still hiding from that motherfucker right now. He's too distracted with Craig. It's actually pretty warm in here, but otherwise. He can still die in a hole. Bye bitch!

Signed, Cartman

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

What. The. Hell. Since when was he attracted to Craig? Like, Craig has Tweek.

"Just leave 'em be man." I told him. Of course, he didn't hear me.

We went back downstairs to see that Stan's body was back on the couch, but there were more stab wounds on his body.

"Okay. What is going on?" Kyle asked. We were all confused.

First, the body was there, then it was not, and now it's back with more wounds. Honestly, I'm questioning the same-

"Honestly, I didn't think the body would come back so soon."

...oh goddammit...

"Dude! I have had it with this!" Kyle yelled.

"Had it with what?" Clyde asked.

Cartman came downstairs, wrapped up in a blanket.

"This blanket is so warm." He says

"That's great fatass. Now we have a problem, so if you could get your ass down here or get your ass back upstairs, that would greatly be appreciated." Kyle said.

"Wow. I'm over here trying to brighten the mood and you just have to come in a ruin it. Thanks a lot Jewrat." Cartman said as he walked back up the stairs.

"Hey! Excuse-" Kyle said before stopping himself.

I can't deal with this right now.

Signed, Token

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

I went to Stan's body while Clyde and Token were bickering about something. I checked for any additional wounds. There were 10 more stab wounds in his chest. His wrists were sliced, not too deep but enough for the blood to seep in through his jacket. He doesn't look too terribly damaged, which is a good thing, but I feel like a stabbing victim would look more horrible than this. There is not a lot of blood on him, which could probably mean he was cleaned off in the shower and then stabbed again and then cleaned again and then sliced and so forth. I don't know who would do a thing like this, but I'm assuming it happened like that.

Signed, Kyle

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Craig and Tweek come out of the bathroom. They don't see anyone upstairs besides Cartman in his little pillow and blanket fort, so they go downstairs to immediately go back upstairs once they saw Kyle holding Stan's amputated finger.

"To HELL WITH THAT" Tweek screamed and ran up the stairs. Meanwhile, Craig is following behind him, making sure to flip Cartman off once he sees him. 

"Ay!" Cartman screams.

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

Holy fuck! Why would you hold an amputated finger?! Oh Jesus Christ! This is too much pressure! Writing in this diary is too much pressure right now.

Signed, Tweek

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

Tweek is now screaming. I get a grip on his shoulders.

"Tweek. Get it together. We will be alright." I told him.

"But what if we don't?! What if we die here?! Oh god!" Tweek screamed.

_**sigh**_  

"Babe. If we just do...okay. Take deeps breaths with me." We took deep breaths in and out. Hopefully everything settles down soon.

Signed, Craig

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

According to Kyle, Clyde and Token were bickering about something.

"Listen Clyde. You're freaking everyone out. Even Cartman is freaked out. If you-"

"Good."

"...You know it's time to stop if you're scaring Cartman or anyone-"

"But what if you don't want to?"

"Clyde. What I'm trying to say is...stop."

"...How do you stop when it's already been done?"

"You know damn we-" Token stopped himself before contemplating what Clyde had just said.

"...oh goddammit"

Clyde snickers at his response (speaking of snickers, he needs one).

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

Oh my god! His face was priceless! Oh Jesus! I can't! It was funny. I had to put this in the diary.

"What are you laughing at?" Token asked me. "I got one snickers bar in my bag and it'll be for you if ya don't stop."

I, of course, could not answer, as I was too busy laughing at his reaction to my question.

Oh geez. I'll just sign out now before I go into too much detail.

Signed, Clyde

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

 Dear Dia-

...and this is why he should not be having a sword.

Stan's wrists are now sliced like hell. He didn't have slits when he was alive nor dead (at first). His left eyelid seems to be sliced up as well and his left ring finger was amputated. Lovely. I'm going back upstairs now.

Signed, Token

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Dear Diary,

I'm questioning whether my existence is needed or not. Cartman says 'Craig came back from the dead, so Stan will too.' but I don't believe him. Craig came back in like a couple of hours. It's been 12 hours since Stan died and he still hasn't come back.

"Maybe it'll take longer because of the amount of stab wounds there are on his body, but trust me. He will come back. Betcha 10 dollars." Cartman says.

"Goddammit Cartman! I don't wanna bet nothin'!" I yell at him.

_**sigh**_  As much as I would love to get rid of Cartman, I can't.......yet.

Signed, Kyle

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

The boys went off to bed, except Tweek and Clyde. Tweek didn't want to sleep after what happened. He was afraid he was going to die in his sleep. And Clyde? ...Well.

What the fuck does sleep mean? He doesn't need sleep. He'll be fine without it, right? Right? Death could occur, but that's okay. What is the point of life? Why have life when you're just going to die?

These thoughts kept running through his head. He doesn't understand the meaning of life.

"...Oh death. Why must you come and take life away from us?"

◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇

Tweek, on the other hand, is still hiding under the couch. He wasn't going to leave the couch anytime soon. He is not dying tonight, tomorrow, the next day, next week, the week after next week,  **ever**. He didn't want to be seen with cuts and stab wounds all over his body like Stan. He didn't want to be seen with his head cracked open and brains splattered everywhere like Craig. He didn't want to accidentally murder anyone else or get murdered by anyone for God's sake!

All these thoughts were too much pressure for poor Tweek. He wanted to be with Craig. He wanted to be embraced by Craig. He needed to be calm. He can't sleep if he isn't calm.

"Oh Jesus Christ. What is happening anymore?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone is scared of Clyde at the moment.


	12. So What Happened Exactly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF! No updates in like 3 weeks?! Damn. School really is a bitch.  
> Please forgive me for what I am about to do.

[Chapter 12 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp12)

_Tweek is still hiding under the couch. He wasn't going to leave the couch anytime soon. He is not dying tonight, tomorrow, the next day, next week, the week after next week,  **ever**. He didn't want to be seen with cuts and stab wounds all over his body like Stan. He didn't want to be seen with his head cracked open and brains splattered everywhere like Craig. He didn't want to accidentally murder anyone else or get murdered by anyone for God's sake!_

_All these thoughts were too much pressure for poor Tweek. He wanted to be with Craig. He wanted to be embraced by Craig. He needed to be calm. He can't sleep if he isn't calm._

_"Oh Jesus Christ. What is happening anymore?"_

* * *

Today was a foggy day. Good thing they weren't in Silent Hill. It was also rainy...again...for the 84th time. Everyone was in the living room-wait. Tweek I swear to god.

♠--------------------♠

Dear Diary,

Cartman told everyone to come downstairs and I am praying to god they don't find me. I don't wanna see Clyde right now. After what he did to Stan, I just can't see myself going downstairs with the crew.

Signed, Tweek

♠--------------------♠

Stan unfortunately woke up from his death. He didn't want to wake up, but he did, so...um...he's gotta learn how to be alive...again.

"Told ya." Cartman said

Kyle didn't listen. He immediately went to hug Stan. He didn't realize Stan was in pain.

"Oh shit! Sorry!" Kyle said. He went to get Stan cleaned up (gee what's with this fic and cleaning someone up?)

And then Cartman began to ruin the moment.

"You owe me-"

"I don't need to give you money Cartman. You got too much anyway." Kyle interrupted Cartman

"You should say that to Token" Cartman pointed to Token.

"Wait hold up. I didn't agree to get into this conversation" Token said.

"This is not the time to fight." Butters began

"So we should argue never?" Cartman asked

"Well, I mean, you should politely argue-"

"How do you politely argue?" Craig asked.

"Well, you argue, but not in a mean way, I suppose" Butters said.

"Shut up Butters" Cartman said.

...

"Where's Twee-" before Kyle could finish, Craig zoomed upstairs (cue Running in the 90s) and looked for Tweek in the bedroom, the bathroom, almost everywhere, and finally the upstairs living room, where Tweek was still hiding under the couch. Craig opened the slots and then there was a maggot on Tweek's face.

"Tweek. It's okay." Craig said, knowing that a maggot was right there on Tweek's face, but chose to ignore it because you know why.

"It's not okay Craig! Not after what Clyde did to Stan!" Tweek almost screamed.

"Stan is alive. He's okay." Craig rolled his-

"I KNOW I DID NOT JUST HEAR YOU ROLL YOUR EYES CRAIG. NOT OKAY." Tweek screamed. (If you get this reference, we are officially buddies)

Craig ignored Tweek's comment and technically threw Tweek out from under the couch. Don't ask how. He carried Tweek downstairs bridal style.

"I found him." Craig said.

Kyle began to speak. "What- Tweek wasn't even anywhere in the house! How did you-"

"He was under the couch upstairs." Craig told him.

"...Really Tweek? Under the couch upstairs?" Cartman asked.

"Gah! Don't hurt me!" Tweek said, pulling his hair. Craig took his wrists.

Butters was about to say something, but chose to keep quiet because Cartman existed. 

♠--------------------♠

Dear Diary,

Everything just went from scary to creepy to weird to 'what the heck is happening anymore?' real quick. Suddenly, I'm all by myself. I think everyone went back upstairs, so I went to go upstairs to join them but then-

♠--------------------♠

But then what? Butters never got to finish his journal entry that night. Kenny went downstairs to see the diary in a puddle of blood. He put on his gloves (ain't nobody got time from washing blood off of your hands. nope.) and picked up the diary from which Butters had written in it. At first, Kenny thought Butters was injured, and then-

**_CRASH_ **

A body fell from the ceiling, breaking the chandelier in the process. Kenny was startled by the noise, but then screamed when he saw someone. Someone who looked familiar...

Oh shit.

♠--------------------♠

Dear Diary,

We heard glass shattering downstairs and then we heard Kenny scream. We all rushed downstairs to see Butters on the carpet rug, blood pooling around the staircase.

"OH MY GOD!" Tweek screamed.

"Just wat-"

"That's not gonna happen fatass." Kyle said.

"How do you know? Stan was-"

"Listen Cartman, I know I was wrong about Stan, but I'm pretty sure your insides don't crawl back inside your body like a snake."

"And that snake is you, you fucking Jew"

"Nope! Not the time guys." Stan said.

We hear someone coming downstairs.

"What happened?! Why is everyone screaming?!" Clyde screamed.

We all turn to him.

"...what?"

"'What'? What do you mean 'what'? What the fuck is that on the ground, huh?!" Kenny screamed.

"I don't know what's going on here." Clyde said before Kenny put his hands together and inhaled deeply

"Boy! You know damn well what's going on here! You killed Stan before and now someone else is-"

"Wait." Clyde interrupted. "I killed someone?"

"Yeah!"

"...When did that happen?!" Clyde screamed...again.

"I think yesterday." Stan said. "Seriously. You were tracing some word on my forehead with a broken piece of glass and then you proceeded to stab and slice me a billion times with that same piece of glass."

"Do you remember what that word was?" Kyle asked.

"No, but that whole situation was really fucking creepy." Stan said.

"...yeah I can't recall any of this." Clyde said.

Stan was more than eager to tell the story.

"Okay so I was beauty sleeping on that couch over there and then I woke up to something touching my face and then I was like 'What are you doing?' and then you were like 'Why're you sleeping?' and then I was like 'I need my beauty sleep' and then here's what you said after that: 'You wanna play a little game?' like oh my god. I could not even with that so I rolled off the couch and that's when you began to murder my ass."

Clyde just stood there, shocked at what Stan had just said. I made my way to the bathroom to clean the cover off the diary since there was blood on it. There was blood in the pages too, but you know no one can clean that off. 

Oh shoot. Someone needs this.

Signed, Token.

♠--------------------♠

_**|WARNING!! GORY DESCRIPTION|** _

From what everyone saw, Butters' body consisted of a slit throat. The killer didn't slit his throat once, not twice, but to the point where you could see the neck bone. He was stabbed to the point where his intestines flew out of his body (so definitely more than 10 times). His right leg was broken, the calf bone snapping cleanly in half. His left arm was cut from the elbow to the wrist.

_**|END OF GORY DESCRIPTION|** _

' _It seems like Butters was pushed down the stairs, or he fell, and then got murdered._ _If Butters were to come back to life, this would've taken at least more than a day. Maybe a week!'_ Kyle thought. Clyde was on the verge of tears...again. Token hugged Clyde (aw❤). Tweek held onto Craig for dear life. Stan forgot Butters was there since he was too busy telling Clyde what had happened and Kyle is attempting to play detective and is failing miserably at it, or so he thought.

Whoever this killer was, they were going to pay, according to Kenny.

♠--------------------♠

Dear Diary,

After Stan said all of that stuff, the words were stuck in my throat. I was just in complete shock. I did all of that? There's no way in hell. There's no way all of that was true, right? Right?

"You're joking."

"No I'm not." Stan told me.

"..."

"What?!"

"How did you live? After all of the stabbing and slicing I apparently did to you?" I asked.

"I honestly have no goddamn idea." Stan said.

"Dude. There might be a ghost here." Kyle said

"No shit Sherlock. This castle is old. Like 200 years old? 300? And he was acting like a psychopath earlier." Cartman pointed out the obvious, well, obvious to everyone else. I'm still confused.

"Wait A GHOST?!" Tweek screamed. He also grabbed a bible out of thin air and threw it at me.

"JESUS!" He screams, and then he saged the entire castle, and everyone in the castle, and poured salt near every door he could find...and on everyone in the castle.

"Okay. That was unnecessary." Stan said.

"But the ghosts are gonna get everyone and then- oh Jesus. All of this is too much pressure!" Tweek said.

Oh geez. My hand is shaking now.

Signed, Clyde

♠--------------------♠

Dear Diary,

"Gah! Oh no! Oh my god! Is he okay?! Did I do something?!?!?" Tweek was freaking out all of the sudden.

Clyde dropped the diary. We were confused as fuck.

"What's going on?" Kyle asked.

Token went up to the now shaking Clyde and took him upstairs. I'm still not sure what was going on,  but if anything else happens to him, the demons and I are gonna have a  _little_ discussion.

Signed, Kenny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Butters with all my heart, I really do, but innocent people die gruesomely in horror movies :(  
> RIP innocent people in horror movies


	13. What Happened to Butters?

[Chapter 13 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp13)

~~_Take a shot every time I say the word "definitely"_ ~~

**To do list**

**1\. Make sure everyone keeps their cool. They don't need to get too hot if you know what I mean**

**2\. Calmly figure out a way to get everyone out of the castle. This isn't a party where you scream and get drunk.**

**3\. Go to the castle and set everyone free. Hopefully nothing happens.**

"This has to go according to plan. If it doesn't then I don't know what we'll do....and get rid of this extra stuff."

"W-well we don't w-want it to be bo-bo-boring, right?"

"...Whatever. Let's get the others."

"O-okay!"

* * *

After seeing Butters' body, the boys had no words left in their mouths. They were pretty shocked at what they saw. This was probably the most gruesome murder the boys have seen so far and if you got depressed after Chapter 12, I am so sorry :( 

Anyways, The boys sat in the living room, except for Token and Clyde, who are upstairs at the moment. Cartman was walking in circles in the living room, Tweek became traumatized from the incident...I mean...I would too if I saw Butters presumably dead like that, Kenny is still trying to figure out who could've murdered his closest friend (or to you Bunny shippers out there, boyfriend), Kyle and Stan are looking at the body for any other details, and Craig is just there for Tweek to calm his spazzing ass down. 

Kyle and Stan examined Butters' body. They find even more details. Butters' shirt was stained with blood on the back. His shirt was also ripped in a way where he could have been scratched or-

"Wait. 'Could have'? 'Could have' is not the right word here. He definitely got scratched by something."

...

Okay Kyle. As I was saying, Butters' shirt was ripped since he "definitely got scratched by something" according to this smartass...

...Wait a minute, the injuries don't look like knife wounds at all. It looks like it could have- I mean it definitely got clawed by something. Besides his right leg (which got broken), there is no way a knife would be able to do that to the neck. A knife could do that to the stomach, but this definitely looks like something claws would do.

_**gasp** _

Time to put this information in the diary!

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Dear Diary,

It's all coming together! I still don't know who or what killed Butters, but I think I get where these other injuries are coming from!

First, Butters was walking upstairs to see someone or something on top of the stairs.

Next, they clawed Butters' left arm and back, causing him to fall down the stairs and break his right leg.

Then, they stabbed him way too many times since his intestines are out, but he didn't die from that.

FInally, because he didn't die from getting stabbed, they clawed at his neck until the bone was exposing.

The cause of his death? Blood loss. How I know this? Look at all of the blood on the body, the stairs, and the floor. There's no way you can survive losing that much blood! Now, I'm going to get everyone downstairs and then we will discuss about this

Signed, Kyle

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Dear Diary,

We all listened attentively as Kyle told us what could've happened to Butters.

"Oh please. Are you sure it wasn't Clyde who did this?" Cartman began

"The marks on Butters' skin do not match a human's hand, so it's definitely not possible for him to do that." Kyle told him.

"Maybe Clyde ripped his ski-"

" **DO NOT.** Go there. Please. For the love of god. Cartman." I said.

"Anyways Kyle, do you know what killed Butters?"

"I still don't-"

"Are you sure it wasn't Clyde, Kyle?"

"CARTMAN! WILL YOU SHUT UP FOR 5 MINUTES?!"

"..."

"I don't know who or what killed Butters. I just know that it wasn't one of us this time." Kyle stated.

It was at that moment we heard a bang from upstairs. We all ran upstairs. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I don't want anything bad to happen.

Signed, Stan

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

The boys ran upstairs to see what that sound was.

Apparently, the banging was just something falling ov-

_**CRASH** _

Kyle was fed up with everything breaking at this point. He slowly went downstairs while the rest of the boys stayed put.

"...Guys. It was just the pla-"

_**CRASH AGAIN** _

"OH JESUS!" Tweek screamed.

"Oh my god! Will this castle stop throwing shit around once in a while?!" Kyle yelled.

"For real tho." Craig agreed.

The boys hear the door creak open. A boy and a girl step inside the castle.

"W-we-we...W-well. I guess t-this is the cas-ca-castle"

"Yep. Now to-"

They stop were they are at to see a bunch of familiar faces.

"Jimmy!" Clyde ran up to Jimmy and hugged him.

 _"_ Fuck it's Wendy" Stan muttered.

Wendy turned her eyes to the blood that was on the floor and saw Butters' foot.

"Oh my god!!" Wendy screamed.

"I can explain!" Kyle said.

 _Oh no. Here we go._ Cartman thought

"So what happened was..." and then Kyle went on, explaining how Butters could've died...again.

"Or Clyde-"

"Stop blaming Clyde for everything! God!" Kyle yelled for the 1 millionth time that day.

"Yeah! I was with you guys when this happened!" Clyde also yelled.

"Yeah yeah whatever." Cartman said.

" _sigh_ No idea who killed him huh?" Wendy asked.

"Not yet." Kyle answered.

"But everytime someone dies, they come back to life like Kenny does." Cartman said.

Jimmy and Wendy exchanged glances.

"It's true. I got stabbed and sliced a bunch of times and died and then a couple of hours later, I came back to life!" Stan exclaimed

"...W-wow. Tha-that is ve-ve-ve...really impressive." Jimmy said.

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Dear Diary,

Besides Cartman's existence, today was a pretty okay day. Two people came in to check on us- and the door slammed shut.

...Huh...they're stuck with us now...

Signed, Clyde


	14. Disastrous Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not supposed to happen. Welp. Here comes a great disaster just for you!

[Chapter 14 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp14)

 

_"...Huh...they're stuck with us now..."_

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

"What's the diary for?" Wendy asked.

"We just found it on the kitchen table and thought 'maybe we should write our entries in this in case someone calls the police.' Plus there are already a bunch of entries from 1933 to 1962." Kyle said.

"Smart thinking." Wendy replied.

"They should've called the popos a looooooooong time ago." Cartman muttered

"Unfortunately, I agree with that." Stan said.

Wendy takes out her cell phone.

"Here's my question: When you first realized something was wrong with this castle, why didn't you contact anyone, the police specifically?" Wendy asked while trying to call 911.

"There was no service. Duh." Cartman quietly said, but it was loud enough for Wendy to hear. She chose to ignore him.

The emergency services began to answer Wendy's call, but because the service is shit, the call ended quickly.

"Oh goddammit!" Wendy yelled.

"I told you." Cartman said.

_**BOOM** _

The lights blow up. Everyone turned on their phone's flashlight. Butters' body was nowhere to be seen. Even the blood was gone. It was like nothing happened.

"Oh wow. Would you look at that?" Cartman sarcastically said.

"Just because he disappeared, doesn't mean he is coming back to life!" Kyle yelled

"Yes it does Kyle!" Cartman yelled back

"Guys. Please. Stop fighting." Token said.

"Y-yeah! We do-don't wanna...panic at the disco." And then Jimmy grabbed an electric disco ball out of thin air and turned it on.

"...BOI" everyone screamed.

"Anyway, Butters' body disappeared, so we should go look for him." Kyle told everyone

"Why didn't y'all do that for me?" Stan asked.

"Because we were scared, okay?" Kyle replied.

"So y'all gon' look for Butters, but not me? And y'all gon' clean me up, but not fix my makeup and hair? Wow. Rude." Stan said.

Everyone facepalmed, except for Jimmy.

"This is why I don't date you as much, Stan." Wendy said.

"Hey! Look what I found!" Clyde exclaimed. He found Butters' left arm. Everyone backed up in fear.

"Why are you excited about that?!?" Tweek screamed.

"...Because I found a part of Butters?" Clyde said.

"You don't just scream that at the top of your lungs!"

"Says the one who's screaming at the top of his lungs."

"HEY." Craig warned. Clyde ran.

"What the f- Clyde!" Token ran after Clyde.

"Wow. What a fucking pussy." Cartman muttered.

Wendy sighed and looked at Stan. She begins the conversation.

"Wow. He must've sliced you like a crazy."

"Yep. Yep he did. I don't know why."

"I just got here so-"

"You don't know why? Are y'all stupid? Clyde is going fucking crazy! That's why!" Cartman yelled.

"You know what? Let me just super glue a zipper to your mouth and zip it up, or maybe sew it on there. Would that be a good way to keep your mouth shut?" Wendy asked.

"Get out."

"I can't"

"Why not?!"

"Because the doors won't budge."

"...oh yeah."

"Wow Cartman. Look who's stupid now." Kyle said.

"Shut up jew rat! You're just jealous that I can roast better than all of you." Cartman said.

"Oh really? Let's hear it."

"Your mo-"

"Don't."

"...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel-"

"Cartman!"

"Shut the fuck up or I smack the fuck up bitch. I'm trying to touch up my makeup." Stan said.

"Don't even think about sounding tough. I know you ain't tough like me." Cartman said.

"You ain't tough either fatass." Stan said.

"Guys please! This is too much pressure!" Tweek yelled.

And that's when Cartman tried to roast Craig.

"Oh yeah! And your boyfrie-"

"Don't touch my Craig!"

"..."

"Do NOT touch him physically, mentally, emotionally-"

"Okay Tweek." Craig said, but Tweek didn't listen.

"-people like cupcakes, but no one wants to eat a moldy ass cupcake."

"I don't have a moldy ass cupca-" Cartman began

"Because that moldy ass cupcake is you!"

"I'd rather be a muffin but okay."

"And where the fuck is your neck. Do you even have a neck? Birth defect much?"

"Wow. Rude."

"Or a soul? Do you have a soul? Because if not, then you should've been dead a long time ago. Oh! You don't have a heart either!"

"Yeah I do! It's in my chest!"

"...Well- uh- your chest might secretly be an ice chest! Yeah! Maybe that's why your heart is so cold! It be filling up your heart with some toxic beverages!"

"I'm through with this." Cartman walked upstairs and went to the bedroom.

"Wait hold up! Before you go, hell is actually below the ground. You might wanna sweat to lose that weight." Craig said.

"Oh great. Now I'm getting roasted by two gay little shits. Okay." And then Cartman slammed the door shut and locked it.

"...What the hell was that?!" Stan asked.

"Um. Tweek and Craig roasting Cartman?" Kyle replied.

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Dear Diary,

I wrapped Clyde's arm around my shoulder and took him back to the living room.

"YO! YOU FUCKING MISSED IT!" Kyle yelled.

"Missed what?" I asked

"Tweek just roasted Cartman!" Stan exclaimed.

"...What?"

"You should've been there. It was the shit hun!" Stan said.

"I bet it was. Now can someone explain to me-"

Clyde grabbed onto my chest with his other hand and pushed me to the ground. I was utterly confused.

"What the hell was that?" I asked.

"Mmmmm girl, you are not looking too good." Stan said.

Wendy facepalmed again.

"I told you to stop acting like a goddamn diva like what, a few weeks ago?"

"I act how I wanna act Wendy!"

Clyde starts to laugh.

"You guys are hilarious! You know, maybe I could be you guys one day...actually...maybe if I had some of your blood, I'd be...different...in a way"

"...What is going on with Clyde?" Wendy asked, sounding concerned.

"He's been acting all weird since we first came in to the castle-"

"I didn't ask 'when' Stan!"

"He is currently being possessed by the devil-o-seven."

"Stop it with the jokes! What is wrong with him?!"

"I don't know!!"

"Guys! Stop fighting and just kiss already!" Cartman yelled from upstairs.

"Shut up Cartman!" Stan yelled back.

We all hear a thud coming from behind me. I think someone threw Butters' body from the balcony since I saw a dark silhouette standing there looking at the body before walking off.

"Was that you Token?!" Cartman yelled.

"Okay first of all, you know damn well I am down here and not up there. Second of all, who just throws a body from the balcony?! Uh, not me." I said

"But it was a black perso-"

"Don't even begin with this racist bullshit." I warned.

Cartman scoffed and went back to the bedroom.

We all looked at Butters' body. His left arm was gone, but all of his wounds were stitched up...except for the stomach...and the neck.

"Did they just cut out his intestines?!" Kyle screamed

"Wow. What a bastard." Stan said.

"A-at least the-the-theee...At least they didn't leave him there to ble-bleed out." Jimmy said.

"True, but you don't just cut out someone's intestines!" Kyle screamed

We hear a door open.

"Exactly! How is he supposed to digest the food and do a number 2?!" Cartman yelled

"Really? Is that all you care about?" Stan asked.

"Honestly, yes. What are you doing Clyde?" Cartman suddenly asked

We all turn around.

"...What does it look like I'm doing?" Clyde asked.

"Bitch! You better not be messing with a dead body!" 

"But his cheeks are so squishy~"

"Stop it." 

Clyde did stop, but then he looked at Cartman with a blank expression on his face.

"..."

"WHAT?!"

And then he just jabbed his finger through Butters' cheek. Everyone flinched.

"Clyde!" I screamed.

"...Oh..."

That's the only thing he said.

"'Oh'? Just 'oh'? You literally stabbed his cheek with your finger! Like how the fuck does that work?! You should definitely be saying something other than 'oh'!" Stan screamed.

"Is that why there's blood dripping from my finger?" Clyde asked.

"Yes." Wendy said.

Clyde looked at his finger and then saw the hole on Butters' cheek.

"...OH MY GOD!" He screamed.

" _sigh_ Yep. Demonic syndrome got him alright." Cartman muttered.

This is getting too long. I'll sign out.

Signed, Token

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Cartman came downstairs and said:

"Imma have to take you to a mental hospital after we get outta here Clyde." 

Clyde ran up to Cartman and smacked the diary off his hands.

"OH FUCK-  _ahem_ \- what the FUCK Clyde! I was writing in that!"

"It's already been done Cartman. We all know you're actually a pussy."

Cartman starts doing the cross with his hands. He begins to speak.

"Listen, whatever the fuck...uh...this is, it's gotta go."

"Like your soul?"

"I'm about to write you a death certificate if this don't stop!"

"Not if I write you one first."

"You ain't writing me shit! Why the fuck is this cross not working?!"

Kyle quickly grabs the diary and begins to write in it.

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Dear Diary,

To be honest, I would've been laughing with Clyde if he wasn't insane at the moment, but unfortunately, he is, so I'm worried. 

"Back the fuck up Clyde!"

"What if I don't want to?"

"Bitch! You better back up or we gon' throwdown!"

"Jokes on you Cartman, I have been waiting for this moment."

"Wait wha-"

Clyde pushed past Cartman, went up the stairs, and pressed the red button on the railing of the stairs. The floor above Kenny broke and he fell into the spikes.

"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!" Stan screamed.

"YOU BASTARD!!" I yell

Clyde looked at the hole. He was utterly confused.  _That was supposed to be for Cartman, not Kenny_ he thought.

"Welp." Cartman said as he pulled out his pho-

"There is no service Cartman." Wendy said.

"...Oh yeah" Cartman muttered.

Someone needs this.

Signed, Kyle

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Dear Diary,

Tweek is twitching as usual. I hug him. He calms down. Clyde on the other hand...

"You know you still have blood on your finger right?" Stan asked.

Clyde sucked the blood off his finger. Tweek flinched.

"WHAT THE F-"

Tweek went to the kitchen, came back, and poured the whole box of salt on Clyde. We all just looked at Tweek, who was still scared shitless.

"Tweek. What the hell." 

"You just sucked Butters' blood off your finger!" Tweek screamed.

"...Oh...that must be why I'm tasting iron in my mouth..." Clyde said.

"Do you even know what iron is?" Cartman asked.

"Yes I do." Clyde replied.

Okay. That happened.

Signed, Craig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now!  
> Okay but listen. I have watched too many possessed/devil pranks. They're just too good.


	15. Stan the Ultimate Diva

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan was already a diva since chapter 9 I believe. But now I am pumping up his diva mode. Let's see how this goes.

[Chapter 15 Audio](https://soundcloud.com/kiku-atsuko/chp15)

 

_Okay. That happened._

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Clyde and Cartman had a staring contest for a couple of seconds until…

"What is going on with Butters' body? What is wrong with Clyde? Why is there no service? Why isn’t anybody doing anything about all of this? Why not try to break the door down? What is everyone doing with their lives? Why are all of you idio-"

"Wendy! How many more questions before I smack you up?!” Stan screamed.

Wendy looked at him furiously. Stan backed up.

“What we learned” Wendy muttered. "Anyways, why are all of you idiots?!"

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Dear Diary,

I don't know what just happened, but it happened. Clyde and I were in the middle of just staring into each other's souls until Wendy interrupted the intense moment.

#getittogethergurl

Like all (and I mean ALL) of these questions are obvious. 

We all have the ability to superglue our mouths shut! Do that instead Wendy! God!

Any who, if I had mind reading powers, I would want to know what Kyle is thinking. He is in his little logic land right now (when is he not).

Welp, that's all I'm writing for today!

Signed, Cartman

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

"Did we just forget about Butters' body over there?" Token asked.

"I don't see anything over there..." Wendy said.

The boys look to where Butters' is...or was...

...

His body disappeared again?! What?!

"Okay. Where did y'all put the body?" Cartman asked

"You gon' blame all of us?" Token asked

"You don't answer a question with a question Token."

"I'm sick of this."

"Be sick of it cuz Imma talk about this  **all  **day"

"Lord Jesus help me with this fatso."

"AY!"

"GUYS! STOP! You guys are ruining my makeup!" Stan yelled.

Wendy facepalmed for the billionth time that day.

"How many times do I have to tell you Stanley? You are not a div-"

"OOF! Wendy! How many times do I have to tell  **you** that I am a diva. Back off my property. Thank you :)" Stan put the back of his hands to his chin.

Wendy rolled her eyes and decided to just move on from the diva fiasco.

♣~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♣

Dear Diary,

How could the bodies just disappear like that?

I've been thinking about this for a while now (and by a while, I mean ever since Stan died). My thoughts were then interrupt when...

"Guys. You're making this scarier than it actually is. Listen. When we look away, they walk off somewhere else. When we look away again, they walk back to where they died. It's that simple." Cartman said, trying to sound like one of those old, but wise people.

"Corpses don't walk fatass." Stan said. "Also, we need to fix the fact that you literally have no muscle...or a neck. Hold on, lemme get my contour palette."

"I have a neck! GoddammIt!" Cartman yelled.

"Hmmmm lemme think about that- no." Stan said.

"Bitch. You're just jealous cuz of how sexy my body is."

"Who the fuck would be jealous of your looks Cartman?"

"Everyone. Duh. I got dem curves"

"Dem uneven curves." I said.

"Man! You jealous too, huh?"

"At least I have a dad."

Cartman gasped dramatically.

"Don't you dare bring my family into this!" He said. I shrugged.

"Kyle! Where is my contour?!" Stan yelled.

"...on your face?" I said.

"You know what I mean Kyle!"

"Okay Stan."

"Don't just 'okay' me! Do you know where my contour palette is?"

"In Pallet Town?"

"Kyle!! I'm not trying to be Ash Ketchum from fucking Pallet Town!"

"Okay Stan."

"Kyle!"

"You c-c-could always use br-brown paint. T-Tha-That goes on a pa-pa-palette." Jimmy said.

"Do you want me to look like shit Jimmy?" Stan said.

"Of c-course not. I'm j-ju-ju-just sayin'. P-Paint is a great fi-fi-...Paint is a great fill-in if you k-know w-wh-what I mean." Jimmy smiled after that.

Stan sighed. "I swear to god Jimmy..."

"I swear to god Stan."

"Wendy!"

"Don't even tell me what to do Stan! We are breaking up!"

"But we aren't even-"

"DON'T CORRECT ME STAN. WE! ARE!! BREAKING!!! UP!!!!" Wendy screamed.

"Will this day get any better?" Stan muttered.

"I don't know! Will it?!" Wendy yelled.

...

"Well everyone?! WILL IT?!" Wendy screamed this time.

"I don't speak girl language." Cartman said while mocking her with his hand.

Wendy stomped towards Cartman. Cartman kept his cool, but decided...he needed to do something more than just be cool about it. He was about to speak until Stan ran up to Cartman and rapidly started brushing contour on his face with his contour brush.

"Okay Cartman Imma need you to suck in your cheeks. We gon need to contour this motherfucker up. OOOOOH this bitch gon look fly after this. Kyle! Gimme some brown eyeshadow. His eyes need some contouring too-"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING STANLEY?!" Cartman screamed

"Making you not be a fatass." Stan bluntly replied.

I'm over Stan being a diva. Please bring back the Stan I know please.

Signed, Kyle


End file.
